Issue 2 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk November 2003
MARKET RUMOURS PERSIST

CANES? - Cadbury's & North East Somerset? (Click to enlarge)
CANES? - Cadbury's & North East Somerset?
(Click to enlarge)
Keynsham is still feeling the aftershocks from the decision to close the town's farmers market after less than a year in operation, amid unconfirmed reports that a thirteenth-hour rescue package may be on the horizon.

The market, which occupied the town centre every Friday, came under flak from local retailers who were unhappy with the competition it provided. One local un-named trader commented: "We simply can't compete with these stall holders. We want the new market to help us, not hinder us." In keeping with the wishes of these shop owners, BANES is thought to be considering a 'phantom market' that doesn't actually sell anything.

Speaking to Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum, BANES' Jemima Pointier told us: "The best way to keep all parties happy would be to reinstate the market, but to have no actual product being sold. That way people would be attracted to the town, yet forced to buy from the shops. Plus we could still keep the 'Historic Market Town' bit on the signs, meaning more money for the BANES annual piss-up in Libourne."

Cadbury's: Heroes? Tiny little bits of fun...
Cadbury's: Heroes?
However, rumours have begun to circulate that suggest local firm Cadbury's may be ready to step in to save the market. These 'Chinese Whispers' - that is, originating from drunken folk in the town's numerous Chinese take-aways - seem to imply that the town's major employer could be poised to take over the ailing market, selling 'organic locally-grown products', in keeping with the Council's wishes as outlined in their recent press release.

According to the BANES report, the Council is "Keen to keep a market culture going in Keynsham, which is after all a market town." If the speculation is to be believed, the confectionery barons would sell a range of 'locally-grown' chocolate products every Friday, from a specially-built van adjacent to where the clock tower used to stand. We tried to contact Cadbury's but their receptionist said that no-one was available for comment as they were "trying to sort out a problem with the Mini Eggs." The trial continues. Albert Mills


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CHEST BEATING
"I sez if the shops don't want us to have a market they should all bring their stock outside once a week and sell it cheaper..." Just a random quote from this month's bulging postbag. READ LETTERS

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court is back on the war-path, and this month it's the war-path that's coming under fire... READ MORE

AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
The former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf continues his oblique insight into Keynsham life. It seems he's now working in the Cadbury's P.R. dept. MORE

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM
Another exclusive Keynsham webcam, which we've located in that mysterious green box outside Somerfield. VIEW IT

WEATHER FORECAST
What does the weather have in store for the Keynsham area in November? VIEW WEATHER

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
Presenting our exclusive range of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts. Coming soon to a High Street near you! BUY STUFF