Issue 2 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk November 2003
END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT

Note: Armageddon-resistant parcel tape on signpost
Dead end. Well, who would've thought it, eh?
A local clairvoyant has voiced predictions of a gloomy future for Keynsham and it's residents, following the unearthing of ancient literature warning of imminent apocalypse in one of the town's lesser-known roads.

The seer - Mrs Amy Geddon - spoke out as librarians discovered the centuries-old tome lodged behind a radiator in the town's library. Speaking exclusively to Could 'Dis Be Keynsham, Mrs Geddon said: "Originally the library staff thought it was an old road atlas, but on closer inspection it turned out to be a collection of diagrams detailing certain doom for the town. According to the unknown author, the world will meet it's maker sometime next year, with it all kicking off in the region of World's End Lane, down by the tip. I have consulted the Tarot cards and my findings have confirmed that we will all perish, possibly from fire/brimstone-related injuries. But on the bright side, it looks like City will be going up this season."

We contacted Keynsham Town Council but their public relations officer denied reponsibility, stating: "There is nothing in the Town Constitution regarding The Four Horsemen so you'll have to take the matter up with BANES. We mainly deal with litter bins and bus stops, oh, and those green pointy signs near where the market used to be." BANES also refused to accept liability, declaring: "All matters relating to the Armageddon come under Parish jurisdiction, so you'll have to speak to them. Our budget doesn't stretch to end-of-the-world clean-ups." The Parish Council were unavailable for comment yesterday. A message on their ansaphone said they were in Weymouth for the day.

The end is now (Click to enlarge)
The end is now (Click to enlarge)
Whether these eerie predictions will come true remains to be seen, but one local resident is taking no chances: "I've cleared out me shed in preparation!" exclaimed 88-year-old Keynsham resident Ron 'Dapper' Hill: "If it can protect me from the Jerries it can protect me from the apoperlist, or whatever it is they calls it. I gave it a lick of creosote last summer and soon as me medication wears off I'll nip down Cashman's and get a new bit of glass for the windawl frame. I ain't never felt safer. But there's only room for one, mind, so don't go gettin' any ideals."

The 'end of the world' last hit the headlines when the inter-galactic Halle Boppe comet narrowly missed colliding with the Earth in 1997. Albert Mills


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KEYNSHAM WEB CAM
Another exclusive Keynsham webcam, which we've located in that mysterious green box outside Somerfield. VIEW IT

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