Issue 2 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk November 2003
YOUR LETTERS TO CANE SHUM - NOVEMBER 2003
LETTER OF THE MONTH
'Who'll bid me ten pounds for this farmer?'
  Shopped: The Market
What the bloody hell is happening down the town centre then? Everything is disappearing. First the phone boxes went missing, then the CLOCK TOWER got nicked and now we lost the farmers market. I know it wasn't much to speak of, but that little collection of stalls brought glamour and life to our High Street of a Friday. Not that I seen any farmers being sold, but it were good nonetheless. Cheap too.

It do make I laugh it does. If they builds one of they bleedin' gurt Hypo-Markets on that gravel patch 'round the back of the Legion, it'll be like a market seven days a week 'round here. Then the shop keepers will be wishing they'd kept their traps shut, 'cos nobody will even bother with the High Street, especially if they sells them lovely Latty coffees in the store cafeterial. Them Keynsham shops would have eggs on their faces, and on their shelves too. They can 'ave their cakes and eat 'em. Serves 'em right I say.

There's people in hot countries what would kill to 'ave a market on a Friday. They'm all starving, see. But over 'ere, we turns away a perfically good one just 'cos it were dead cheap and all that. I sez if the shops don't want us to have it they should all bring their stock outside once a week and sell it cheaper. Then we'd all be happy. For a bit.
Hugo Kairfall, aged 41, Cane Shum.

• Just one of many emails on this subject. See our MARKET NEWS STORY for more shocking developments.

HOUSE OF GOOD
I was perusing your most excellent e-publication when I happened to notice a grave mistake, namely the 'Did You Know' article on the Bath Hill webcam page. The small building formerly situated near the mini roundabout was in fact a brothel, and not a municipal bath as you stated. Happy to clear this up. God speed. Rev. W. Morty, aged 103, Dunlivin Retirement Home.

• No probs Rev, we've had our researcher shot for you.

WATER JOKE
Would BANES kindly make it rain in Keynsham? My garden looks like the bleedin' Saharal Desert. Them plants cost me a lot of money. I'm sick of it. Rose Gardner, St Ladoc Road.

TIME TO GO
They say time stands still for no man, so well done to whoever pinched that clock tower the other week. We had a street party when we heard the news. Let 'em keep it I say. I prefers it how it is. Dave, Cane Shum.

• We've heard the reward for it's safe return has reached a whopping total of 6.23.

THE GREAT ESCAPE
With reference to your brief news article in issue 1, who needs the Bath to Bristol air balloon service with a bus service running every 48 seconds, as my research observations from your webcam demonstrates?
Boy Friday, Bristle.

• We agree, the FirstBus escape service is second-to-none!

A 'KRONIC' CASE
So, a few nights ago, I had just dumped my carkeys on the kitchen table along with the bag-o-chips that I purchased at the better of the two chippies (you know the one!) and was in the process of discarding the wrapper when I noticed that it was printed on. "Funny" I thought. "Didn't know they still used newspaper to wrap chips in..." So I flattens out the wrapper and it turns out to be a page of the 'Kronicle' - what I gather to be some sad kind of a publication from Keynsham's past. Anyhow, I kept it, dried it out, and you can see it if you like. Andy Mann, Cane Shum.

• Cheers Andy, we'll just take your word for it!


Any which way you can...
LET US HAVE IT....
Annoyed by recent goings-on in the town? Seen something strange on the way home from the New Inn? Got a story? Want to complain about an article in Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum? We're all ears and eyes folks. Just visit the CONTACT page and get to it with the digits.


WE'RE IN THE NEWS!
Issue 1 of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum hits the news! We made it to the EVENING POST (click HERE to read what they said) and, miraculously, we were 'Site Of Issue' in VENUE (click HERE to view the clipping). Thanks to both publications for the kind words. You rock man!

WEATHER FORECAST
What does the weather have in store for the Keynsham area in November? VIEW WEATHER

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court is back on the war-path, and this month it's the war-path that's coming under fire... READ MORE

AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
The former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf continues his oblique insight into Keynsham life. It seems he's now working in the Cadbury's P.R. dept. MORE

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
Presenting our exclusive range of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts. Coming soon to a High Street near you! BUY STUFF

THE BOTTOM LINE
First off, I must apologise for the lack of bottom in issue 1. As you may know, I was off on me jollies up that Brean Down. Me an' our Rosy 'ad a luverly van right by the beach an' all. OK, right, let's get to me bottom! The market. It's bleedin' gone. Who did that? And why? Well not to leave any stones unturned, we have discovered the real reasons for the demise of our "historic" market. Click HERE to read the "official" excuses. PS, thanks for all the emails. Catch you soon, Charlton Bottom.