Issue 3 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk December 2003
AFFORDABLE HOMES FOR KEYNSHAM

Manor Road playing fields - (park users not shown)
Prime real estate on the Upper East Side
There was good news this week for would-be Keynsham home owners when plans were unveiled for a new budget housing development in the town's highly-sought after Chandag district, amid complaints from worried residents.

Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum has taken an exclusive look at the plans for a new low-cost housing estate in Keynsham. National house builders Fred Meany & Sons of Pensford have successfully purchased a large plot of land in the Wellsway area, on which they hope to build over 100 new homes.

We spoke to Mr Meany over a few pints in The Trout, and established that the area of real estate which has been made available for the scheme is Manor Road playing fields. Speaking 'off-the-record', Fred told us: "Well they keeps saying about how the kids is all playing them computers, cyber-sexing and drinking and what-not, so they don't use the playing fields anymore. Plus they're just full of dog shit and litter. The fields that is, not the kids. So I got 'um well-cheap and have plans a-foot to build 187 two-bedroom shacks on 'em. Again, the fields that is, not the kids."

'Ohhhh, theym luvverly 'ouses Reg'
A shanty town, yesterday
The following morning, whilst recovering from the cider fest we had with Fred, we contacted BANES for their side of this shocking story. They responded to our questions with a nervous tone, but in typical Council fashion didn't actually answer any questions!

However, opposition to the new homes is already mounting. Speaking on behalf of the Chandag Residents' Association, Tarquin Connolly told us: "This is simply preposterous. If these two-bit yokel bodgers think they are going to erect a shanty town on our park land they are very much mistaken."

A heated Mr Connoly continued: "We have our own little surprise for Mr. Meany. The home owners on the Upper East Side of Keynsham have lodged a formal request to change the name of our area to West Saltford, thus rendering his planning permission useless. Touché you glorified labourer."

At that point Tarquin had to rush off, having received a call on his mobile from his (worried) 'child minder'. In the meantime, we wait to see if this alarming speculation becomes reality, with baited breath and mortgages in hand. Charlton Bottom


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