Issue 4 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk January 2004
MARS FEVER HITS CADBURY'S

Mmmmmmmm! Double Decker... Here's one we ate earlier...
With plans for the introduction of new technology announced by Keynsham chocolate manufacturer Cadbury's, we investigate whether there will be any knock-on effects to our favourite Double Decker. Mmmmmmmm! Double Decker...

The traditional image of the chocolate miner may soon be a thing of the past as the town feels the effects of Mankind's unwavering quest for a mechanised, remote-controlled World. The success of recent Mars landings has prompted the cocoa-based sweet company to consider the use of automated robo-miners in one of it's oldest Somerdale chocolate mines.

We dashed to the nearest phone box and rang Cadbury's for a comment on this possible change of practice in the Double Decker seam. With questions streaming though our heads such as "Can a computer-operated Decker Digger craft an equally delicious twin deck bar from the seam?"; "Will this new fangled technology be able to reproduce that 'just right' amount of delicious chocolatey covering?"; "Have we got enough change for the phone box?", we dialled the factory number.

Gene Wilder not pictured
  The Pit Head
After a long conversation, in which we tried to secure a large quantity of our favorite Double Deckers for nowt, the head of New Fangled Technology Dept, Roger al-Sahaf, explained to Could ‘Dis Be Cane Shum: "I triple guarantee all of our customers that the introduction of this space age technology will have no effect on the product you love so much. In fact, these new Beagle 2-influenced droids are capable of extracting 40% more bars from the mine, assuming, that is, that we can get them down to the seam without mishap."

A prototype droid was sent to the Mini Egg seam last year, but failed to send back it's Wurzels-penned calling signal, prompting calls for the scheme to be shelved. The town faces 85% unemployment if the factory is converted to auto-mine. And if your wondering, no, we didn't secure a large quantity of our favorite Double Deckers. Damn! Charlton Bottom


PREVIOUS NEWS STORY    |    NEXT NEWS STORY    |    MAIN NEWS PAGE    |    NEWS IN BRIEF

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court hits out at the park-and-commute workers clogging our residential streets with their cars. READ MORE

AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
His ex-boss has been nicked by the Yanks, and now the former Iraqi Dis-Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf seems to be working for the council. Shocker! GO TO MO!

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM 4
The Cane Shum web cam is stuck in traffic at the Hicks Gate roundabout. VIEW IT

WEATHER FORECAST
Find out what the elements have in store for Keynsham in January. VIEW WEATHER

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
They're selling like hot cakes in Keynsham and Bath - Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts are on sale now! FULL DETAILS