The traditional image of the chocolate miner may soon be a thing of the past as the town feels the effects of Mankind's unwavering quest for a mechanised, remote-controlled World. The success of recent Mars landings has prompted the cocoa-based sweet company to consider the use of automated robo-miners in one of it's oldest Somerdale chocolate mines.
We dashed to the nearest phone box and rang Cadbury's for a comment on this possible change of practice in the Double Decker seam. With questions streaming though our heads such as "Can a computer-operated Decker Digger craft an equally delicious twin deck bar from the seam?"; "Will this new fangled technology be able to reproduce that 'just right' amount of delicious chocolatey covering?"; "Have we got enough change for the phone box?", we dialled the factory number.
The Pit Head
After a long conversation, in which we tried to secure a large quantity of our favorite Double Deckers for nowt, the head of New Fangled Technology Dept, Roger al-Sahaf, explained to Could ‘Dis Be Cane Shum
: "I triple guarantee all of our customers that the introduction of this space age technology will have no effect on the product you love so much. In fact, these new Beagle 2-influenced droids are capable of extracting 40% more bars from the mine, assuming, that is, that we can get them down to the seam without mishap."
A prototype droid was sent to the Mini Egg seam last year, but failed to send back it's Wurzels-penned calling signal, prompting calls for the scheme to be shelved. The town faces 85% unemployment if the factory is converted to auto-mine. And if your wondering, no, we didn't secure a large quantity of our favorite Double Deckers. Damn!