Issue 5 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk March 2004
KEYNSHAM'S RACE INTO SPACE

'It's nowt but a fecking grain silo, man!'
'Silo 2' - not as good as 'Silo 1'  
They're overpaid, virtually unfunded and woefully under-educated, yet leading scientists at the University Of Keynsham (U.O.K.) are attempting to go where no law-abiding Keynsham citizen has gone before - Space!

Following a recent glut of sky-based endeavours by local boffins - balloonist Andy Elson will soon attempt to get pretty high up in a glorified carrier bag and ex-local lad Dr Mark Sims was one of the main movers in the Beagle 2 'Hit and Hope' project - U.O.K. bigwigs have unveiled their latest masterplan in the form of KASA - the Keynsham And Saltford Astronauts.

With the town now firmly on the space exploration map, plans are underway to land a KASA probe on one of Saturn's myriad moons in the search for new Chocolate reserves. The ambitious project will see the 10-metre tall 'Silo 2' rocket hurled into the sky at Earth-shattering velocity, carrying the technologically-impaired 'Wispa' landing craft in it's cheap-petrol-filled under belly.

Double Deckers not pictured
Saturn - quite big
Speaking exclusively to Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum, KASA team leader Prof Alf Starling explained: "Originally we wuz gonna try for Uranus, but flight control at Lulsgate Airport denied us permission to launch. Saturn's a better bet cos it got loads of moons, probably about 400 or so. We ain't too sure which one weem gonna land on, mind, but with so many up there we is bound to 'it one of 'em. Dead easy, like."

Many of the moons orbiting the so-called 'Gas Giants' are thought to be made of cocoa - essentially Chocolate Ore. With Earth-based supplies at an all-time low, the need to locate new sources has become a matter of utmost importance to the planet's leaders. Prof Starling continued: "We've estimated that there must be a shed-load of money to be made scrumping that cocoa, so we're throwing our hat in the ring, so to speak. Next stop - Somewhere-Or-Other. Magic!"

If KASA's bold scheme gets BANES clearance, 'Silo 2' will launch on March 16th from the Crown Fields, pending flood water. There will be full coverage on both BBC Points West and Radio Bristol in the coming weeks. Albert Mills


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