Issue 5 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk March 2004
YOUR LETTERS TO CANE SHUM - MARCH 2004
LETTER OF THE MONTH
School for patch-work multi-coloured hardboard elephants
  Temple School
Great to read that you don’t think we should be closed. We’re not keen on that idea either. However, what we are hoping for is a brand new school at a town centre site. We enjoy being literally in the heart of the community. The site we are suggesting is developed is the brown field site at St. Johns Court - the one which has been vacant for years. This would allow our school to serve the same community as it does now including allowing the After-School Kookaburra Club to continue with us.

We also have plans to develop the community use of the site and would welcome approaches from groups in need of somewhere to meet outside of school hours. We hope that BANES will look favourably on this request. It is about time some money was spent to improve educational opportunity for the children of Keynsham and we believe our plan would allow us to continue to make a first rate job of serving the community where we have been for the last 150 years! If any of your readers would like to find out more about our campaign they can contact me at the school – details below. I hope you and all the ex-pupils who must log on to your site will be able to support our campaign. Adrienne Hughes, Headteacher, Temple Primary School.

• Quite right too. You win a Cane Shum T-Shirt.

DIRRRTY DANCING
My friends and me wos wonderin if you cood elp us. We wos opin to start a new club for peepol wot doos like Countree & Weston dansin. We’d reely like to eer from uvers wot doos wunt to get intrested in it wiv us. And we wos wonderin if any of yorr reeders did ave a place wot we cood use cos we got no werr to doos it. Fanxs un’evrifin. Frends of Starzecks.

BAILEY BRIDGE
Could you please solve some bored teenagers drunken argument? Is it true Bill Bailey grew up/ was born in Keynsham? It would make my day to discover that anyone of any talent (producers of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum excepting) climbed out of the primeval sludge of middle class commuter drudgery that is Keynsham. Ta very much :-) Anon..

• Bill Bailey is indeed from this hallowed place - he went to Wellsway schoool, is 39 and his real name is Mark. You win £10. Not.

BEAGLE TOO
Another successful export from our lovely town has hit the press recently. Dr Mark Sims, who has been looking for his lost beagle on Mars, grew up in Cane Shum. He went to Chandag Primary and Keynsham Grammar Schools, before escaping to Leicester University. Mark didn't lose any beagles when he was in Keynsham. He was really good at Physics, Maths and dog walking. Philosophical question: Do nervous sheep dogs get the collie wobbles? I really like the web site - keep up the good work! A. Stronomer.

• Mucho thanks for emailing us. Dr Sims seems to be hounded by misfortune. He was hoping to see the sun go down on Mars. It would have been a red setter. Arf!

HORSING AROUND
"No horse town" - Oi luvs it. Ed.

WEEM LUSH!
We think the sites gert lush - keep up the good work, me babbers! KYT.


Do not read the sign, it tells lies and false things. Ignore it. It might go away.
SHOUT A BIT IF YOU WANT TO
Blown a fuse? Unlocked the secret to a dog shit-free High Street trip? Lost your Mojo? Found someone elses? Want to send Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum money or chocolate? Come right this way! Simply hot foot it to the CONTACT page and spout yer stuff for all to see.


WEATHER FORECAST
Will Keynsham town see any sunshine in March? Will it feck! VIEW THE WEATHER

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court gets angry with the aged townsfolk as she forgets to repsect her elders once again. READ MORE

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
On sale now in Keynsham stores - Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts are everywhere! FULL T-SHIRT DETAILS

THE BOTTOM LINE
Well its been a funny old year so far, what with fishy issues on the river Chew, Decker Digger trouble down pit and Albert and Me 'for the council' rumours (see story last issue) but enough of that, on with the show and out with me bottom. Just thought I would update you on the progress of my many New Year resolutions, so here goes. The fags, doing well, down to 20 a day. The cider intake, doing OK, down to 3 pints a night. The Double Decker consumption, no change, its so hard to give um up - don’t the local council offer telephone support for ‘Decker addiction’? I hope all your half-hearted promises to yourself are going OK and you are all keeping well. You all take care now, see you soon, buy a T-shirt. God speed etc etc. Bye. Charlton Bottom.