Issue 5 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk March 2004
CANE SHUM WEATHER FORECAST FOR MARCH

For Sale - Transit Minibus, needs some electrical repairs. Non-floater.
The weather prediction for the month of March with our resident absent-minded sky-gazer Albert Mills.

"March - the gateway to spring. Y'know, clocks go forward, washing the car after work just because you can, 'Nights are drawing out now', 'Fred, get off your ass and cut that bleedin' lawn will ya', mad hares, mad hair, pre-warnings of hosepipe bans, nip down the High Street in just a t-shirt, freeze your tits off, etc etc. Marvellous. It's the stuff that March is made of. Well you'd like to think so wouldn't you?

Fetch the sandbags, it's a stinker. And still it pours... Unfortunately, all that is about to change. This year's heavy rain (as predicted by my good self at the turn of the year) has brought a dramatic twist to the long-term weather prospects. The underground water level - the 'Water Table' - in this area is now so high that experts believe there may be enough water stored to supply the region for the next decade. Many of the outlying hills are now completely full, with reports of guysers on Kelston Round Hill.

Even if the sun came out right now, which it won't, and shone continuously for six whole months at blazing temperatures, there would still be an enormously huge abundance of ground water. This will see our rivers remaining in full flood well into 2005, with localised precipitation occuring daily as a result of the excess water. Cane Shum would appear to be developing it's own Micro Climate. Let's hope someone works out how to control it very soon." Albert Mills

HISTORY CORNER
MICRO CLIMATES were discovered in 1956 by very small weather forecasters. Cane Shum's is only the 14th ever recorded, and the 7th biggest on the planet.
FAMOUS FACT
KELSTON HILL, with it's mysterious trees, was once the setting for a spaced-out cosmic jam by 70's rockers Hawkwind - complete with 'trippy' lights and smoke effects.
SCIENCE GONE MAD
WATER TABLES will soon be available to buy in Ikea in a range of colours. The Swedish Uber-carpenters are expecting a very strong demand. Whatever next!


THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court gets angry with the aged townsfolk as she forgets to repsect her elders once again. READ MORE

AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
The former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf is still working for the local council. This month he defends his work mates' parking habits YO! GO TO MO!

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM 5
The Cane Shum web cam seems to be attempting an escape to Saltford. VIEW IT

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
On sale now in Keynsham stores - Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts are everywhere! FULL T-SHIRT DETAILS