Issue 6 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk April 2004
'PAINT-GATE': THE GLOSS SHINES NO MORE

'That's next years council tax rise confirmed then!' (click to enlarge) Charlton Road: Green Lane
(Click to enlarge)
While expensive legal teams frown and bark at each other in the BANES/Mowlem "Paint-Gate" courtroom fiasco, a simple, cost-effective plan to save Charlton Road could be emerging from the ruins.

The last few weeks have seen BANES take part in a fist fight with leading contractor Mowlem over who should cough up for the dodgy paint job that cost millions at Bath's new 'Roman Spa' - the heavily-delayed, Government-subsidised rich person's plaything. One BANES spokesman told someone: "The costs involved in resolving the paint issue are substantial. The council has no reasonable alternative but to take control (of) itself - (we) expect to be seeking recovery of these costs from accountable parties. But not the tax payer, honest." (Click here for more on the BANES story).

Meanwhile, Keynsham's Charlton Road has further deteriorated without repair because funding for the not-yet-planned re-re-surface is still unallocated. All remaining money in the coffers was hastily spent on lowering kerb stones in order to preserve next years budget, allegedly. However, further analysis of the defective Spa paint has revealed a high tarmac content, leading to suggestions that bungling council workers delivered the wrong consignment to the Bath 'foot spa' project.

Not a single Roman in sight
  The ill-fated 'Spa'
We bribed a council insider, who told us: "The paint and the tarmac arrived on the same day at the BANES goods inward office. We've checked some paperwork that we found in the bin and it looks like the tarmac went to Bath Spa for use as paint, while some of the real paint ended up being used in the Riverside office in Temple Street. It's almost BANES' colour, see. Someone's gonna get their ass kicked over this, but it won't be me 'cos I'm off to Majorca for three weeks tomorrow, thanks to the money you just gave me."

All, however, may not be lost. The remaining Spa paint has now been moved to a BANES laboratory, where odd-looking people with squints and hunches are furiously working on a plan to turn the knackered emulsion into a new road covering for Charlton Road. Our mole continued: "It'll look a bit strange having an aqua-marine-coloured road surface, but we paid nearly three million quid for it so we're sure-as-hell gonna use it. Besides, it's almost a Green Lane at present, so we're just highlighting that fact. Who cares if the highway will be visible from Jupiter?"

We spoke to the residents of Jupiter who told us they wouldn't mind at all, providing it's alright for them to keep the clock tower. Albert Mills


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