Issue 6 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk April 2004
YOUR LETTERS TO CANE SHUM - APRIL 2004
LETTER OF THE MONTH
'Right sir, that'll be one filling and a scale and polish, total price [taps calculator] precisely £12,568. Would sir like to make use of our 'Pay For The Rest Of Your Life' facility?'
  A large molar
Whilst enjoying a rather splendid bottle of ‘Hardys’, a pleasantly ripe Brie and wonderful conversation with the dear ladies of Keynsham, talk turned to recent dental events in and around the town. Some people may be aware that one or two dental practices have been rather sneakily going private. Without prior consultation of their patient lists, these unscrupulous, unconscionable, tooth-extracting messengers of hell have been sending out rude letters terminating patient/dental relations.

Yours truly has also been affected by this insidious behaviour. I admit I was very upset by my termination of NHS dental treatment and felt duty bound to enlighten the practice manager of my despair and anger. The good news is, I have found a very sweet young chap to care for all my dental requirements, and he does a splendid job, though I feel there is one last point to add on this subject. Dentists do not pass your records on to other dentists when you move on, so if you have to change practices, you’ll find yourself paying for new X-rays and assessments etc. Has anyone also noticed how they always blame the last dentist for the work that should have been done but never was? Mrs Barbara Slackminster, Raglan Manor.

• Your tale of tooth-related tussles has won you a
placque-free Cane Shum T-Shirt.

CHIP AND RUN
I see they wants to bugger about with the roads again. Fing is, if they'm gonna stick a roundabout in Rock Road I won't be able to park outside the chippy while me missus runs in for the chips. They got it all wrong. Put the bloody thing outside the library, then we might get decent driving on the paffs. See ya then. Mr Pointerton, Rock Road.

CARS: STILL SAFE
Well done to they Community Warders for sorting out the car crime in Keynsham. With all the bad that goes on in the world these days, it's nice to know that some folk haven't forgotten what the elderly did in the war. Bless you all. Amy Drainer, Mayfields.

SANTA ALERT
Has anyone noticed if Iceland have got the Christmas decorations up yet? Must be due about now. Rick & Tracy, Melksham House.

• Not as yet. Soon come!

SUBTRACT AND DIVIDE
Once again schools are in the news. This time they want to lose one. Give it five years and they'll be saying how the classrooms are overcrowded. I think it's because the Government have problems recruiting teachers. What better to close down a few schools in order to make the teacher deficit look better. We're on to you Blair. Angry Parent, Keynsham

• This debate looks set to roll on, well, at least until the bulldozers roll on...

CONSTIPATED OR WHAT?
I can't help but notice that you lot ain't as reglar as wot you used to be when you first started out and all that. Got problems then? Ashley Mead, Cane Shum.

• Yes, the boss cancelled his week off so our 'Window Of Opportunity' was lost. Patience, my friend, is a virtue. Besides, it's not like we get paid for wasting our time on this...


The lady of the snake returns...
HAD ENOUGH OF OUR POOR HUMOUR?
Not laughing very much cos we're not as funny as we used to be? Reckon you can do better? Put your money where your mouth is and send us something pant-papperingly funny. Simply set the co-ordinates of your browser to our CONTACT page and get typing...


WEATHER FORECAST
Your B.O. could be responsible for the decline of the boating pond. Read more in this month's weather forecast.
VIEW THE WEATHER

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM 6
The Cane Shum web cam is back in the High Street, spying on everything! VIEW IT

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court searches for peace of mind but finds it all to difficult in Savercard-happy Keynsham. READ MORE

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
On sale now at 'Only Fools & Horses' - our exclusive Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts! FULL T-SHIRT DETAILS

THE BOTTOM LINE
Charlton's having his Nobbies seen to this month, so it's Anna's turn for the bottom treatment. Go Anna.
"BANES councillors are currently researching whether our jointly-run council is suitably working for the people. Do we agree with joint consultive control over Keynsham and the surrounding areas? Well, I don't know, all we've got to compare it to is the old system, where whoever won the most votes got the political say. Bloody hell, what do you think? Give everyone a say, then we won't be landed with some socialist bollocks, arse-splintering fence sitting or gay Tory tripe." ACC.