Issue 6 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk April 2004
CANE SHUM WEATHER FORECAST FOR APRIL

Duck 1: 'Surprisingly high radiation count today...'   Duck 2: 'Yeah, I blame the smelly citizens with their fridges, b@st@rd$.'
The weather outlook for April with a slightly irritable resident elemental-ponderer Albert Mills.

"Those old prophets and seers often used to bleat on about how mankind would be it's own worst enemy and all that, but these seemingly flippant musings could come true if recent findings by leading University Of Keynsham scientists are accurate. These over-paid beardy types have revealed the discovery of a second hole in the Ozone Layer™, which they have calculated lies directly above the 'Boating Pond' in Keynsham's Memorial Park.

'There can't be much more up there, etc etc' 'Still - it's good for the garden' Yes folks, according to these hairy, real ale-drinking, Morris-dancing boffins, the reason why water levels in the pond fluctuate so much is down to the goodly people of this town owning fridges and spraying their stinking pits with Sure. The increased solar radiation leaking through this unwanted gap is also responsible for accelerating the growth of the duck population, while residents in nearby houses have complained of being more tanned than usual. Even the vegetation has gone into fast-forward mode, overpowering the wooden crocodile in the process.

'What's all this got to do with the weather?' I hear you all ask. Bugger all really, but it's still pissing down due to the Micro Climate, so throw me a feckin' bone here - until I start opening village fetes again in the summer, there's not a lot else to go on about." Albert Mills

HISTORY CORNER
MORRIS DANCING was invented in 456 B.C. as a means of controlling an outbreak of the deadly Shoe Weevil. The 'dance' worked by scaring off the pests.
SCIENCE FACT
OZONE IS one of the main gasses given off by photocopiers, prompting calls for all the World's Xerox machines to be placed beneath the Ozone hole and set to 100 copies.
CHEAP PLUG
ALBERT MILLS is available for event openings, product launches or any free food functions, for a small-ish fee. Please contact his agent via the contact page.


THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court searches for peace of mind but finds it all to difficult in Savercard-happy Keynsham. READ MORE

AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
The BANES Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf gets angry once again as he vehemently denies the presence of roundabouts in Keynsham. GO TO MO!

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM 6
The Cane Shum web cam is back in the High Street, spying on everything! VIEW IT

MERCHANDISE
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