Issue 7 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk May 2004
ROAD TAX REBATE GLEE FOR DRIVERS

'How long before somebody gets killed because of the lack of a road surface on Charlton Road you f*cking incompetent t*ssers?'
The Charlton Road experiment goes on  
Keynsham's motorists danced cartwheels in the street this week as it emerged that they will all be receiving a road tax rebate following the Highway Department's decision to leave the town's roads to rot.

In the wake of the ongoing Charlton Road experiment, where the road surface has been left to deteriorate in the name of research, transport bigwigs have elected to refund local car owners a pro-rata amount of their pre-paid car tax. The unprecedented move is aimed at putting a stop to complaints, some of which have resulted in voilent scenes as angry drivers take out their frustrations on the town itself.

Speaking on behalf of the Ministry of Transport, Sir Anthony Lubbly told us: "BANES originally asked us for a crisis loan to cover the cost of their paint/tarmac discrepancy, but we refused as all available funding had been earmarked for extra motorway lanes for use by illegal immigrants. We then realised, via our Charlton Road observations, that motorists in Keynsham seem to be quite happy driving on nothing more than gravel, so we decided to offer these rebates and leave the road as it is. The same goes for Ashton Way, which I believe is also in a state of non-repair."

It's national bollard bashing month
A bolloxed bollard
Under the new scheme, a total of 56 pence will be refunded to all tax disc holders upon presentation at the post office. If recently-announced plans to pedestrianise Keynsham High Street are given the go ahead, a further 13 pence will also be returned.

We put this news to road users in Keynsham, many of whom were ecstatic at the prospect of free money. One driver told us: "Sorted! I've got me 4x4 so it don't bother me, like. I'll be putting the money towards me 'oliday in Peru."

Another formerly-disgruntled road user informed us: "We can stop bashing the bollards in Charlton Road now. This is great news. Hold on a mo, better tell our Denise. Denise, love, they'm giving us back some dosh so we can call off tonights bollard strikes and watch Corrie instead. Magic eh?!"

If the scheme proves a success and is implemeted nationwide, car tax could be a thing of the past within a decade. Road tax last hit the news when it was confirmed that photocopies of mates' discs were not legal tender. Albert Mills


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