Issue 7 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk May 2004
CONTACTING COULD 'DIS BE CANE SHUM

USE THE form below to send your comments, stories, letters and abuse to Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum. Alternatively, you can email us directly via editor@caneshum.co.uk. Thanks for all your emails, we appreciate every single one, even if we do tend to take 6 weeks replying!


YOUR NAME (A made-up one will do)


WHERE ARE YOU? (eg Keynsham, at work, on me WAP phone etc.)


YOUR MESSAGE (eg Whatever you bloody well like)



ALBERT MILLS
Albert Mills FORMER GARDENING correspondent for the now-defunct 'Somerset Oracle', Editor Albert is one of the founding members of this fabled tome. His claim to fame is that he was once in the audience at the filming of BBC's 'Nationwide' program, an accolade which alone was enough to land him the job at Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum. He is the author of one book, 'Overnight Failure', and is separated from wife Estelle, with no accountable children. MORE

CHARLTON BOTTOM
Charlton Bottom CHARLTON BOTTOM once famously claimed, improbably, to have been present when the Romans were last in the town, and is the website's other founding member. A former member of 70's glam rock band The Mutz Nutz, Charlton began his journalistic career as a stringer for the lowly 'Ubley Gazette', during which time he covered the story of the infamous Cider Drought of 1985. He has four children and is blissfully married to his beloved wife of 15 years, Rosy.

ANNA CACIA-COURT
Anna Cacia-Court THE DELIGHTFUL Anna was the first writer to be recruited to the team after she knocked on Charlton's door late one night to ask for assistance with her broken down VW Beetle. The former Arts & Entertainment correspondent for London's 'Capital Punishment' magazine, Ms Cacia-Court has been resident in the town for over a decade. Much-travelled, Anna is mother to six children and is happily married to Arthur, a commercial airline pilot.

ELI McCHURCH
Eli McChurch ENIGMATIC
ELI
was the first victim of our recruitment drive in spring 2004, having previously worked for a rival publication. He was snared with an offer of Double Deckers for life, a space in the BANES car park, free copies of the Keynsham & Saltford Observer (20p where sold) and a pile of old jazz mags. Initially reluctant, Eli finally relented following three sessions of shock therapy and an ear-bashing from Anna. He is married with children.

T. LLEWELLYN-BOWEN
Tarquin Llewellyn-Bowen - artist's impression NOT
MUCH
is known about Tarquin Llewellyn-Bowen, except that he is the wine-loving, MPV-driving, plummy-voiced, theatre-going, classical music-loving, champagne-swilling, public-schooled son of a British diplomat. He also happens to be the leader of radical 'East Side' activist group the Wellsway Liberation Front, who have big designs on autonomy for the Chandag area of Keynsham. He is listed here as his press releases make up a large portion of our news.
MUHAMMED AL-SAHAF
Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf THE
FORMER
Iraqi Information Minister fled his homeland at the end of 'Gulf War 2: Like Father, Like Son', taking a job as a public relations clerk at Cadbury's, a position that lasted precisely three weeks. He has since found refuge in the shady corridors of BANES' Riverside building, where he works as the Dis-Information Minister on a part-time basis. Known to his mates as 'Mo', Muhammed is married with a few kids. He is, allegedly, 87 years old.



YOUR LETTERS
You won't be wasting your time by writing to us - the emails you send us form the basis of our LETTERS PAGE.

NEW! CITIZEN CANE
In his debut report as Citizen Cane, Eli McChurch tackles the subject of Keynsham's hygenically-challenged 'leisure' facilities. GET CANED!

MAILING LIST
Fed up with our non-regular posting dates? Get yourself notified whenever we publish by joining our no-spam, no-hassle MAILING LIST.

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court kicks Council butt and unveils some shocking exclusive news about St John's car park. READ MORE

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM 7
The Cane Shum web cam is at the railway station as part of the Search for Intelligent Rail Travel (SIRT). VIEW IT

WEATHER FORECAST
The weather forecast for May, with our in-house, atmosphere-questioning ether beaver Albert Mills. VIEW THE WEATHER

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
On sale now at 'Only Fools & Horses' - our exclusive Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts! FULL T-SHIRT DETAILS

CONTRIBUTORS
The following scoundrels and vagabonds were responsible for the nonsense found in issue 7: Albert Mills, Charlton Bottom, Anna Cacia-Court, Eli McChurch, Tarquin Llewellyn-Bowen, Cuthbert Cuthbertson.