Issue 7 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk May 2004
FORGET THE REST AND READ THE BEST! CANE SHUM!

Keynsham - National Fly-Tipping Centre 2004 "SO IT seems every Tom, Dick and Harry is jumping on the Keynsham News bandwagon these days! Not a week goes by without some backstreet 'news' operation springing into existence. Are we scared? Are we feck! Where others wimp out and go home, we're there 'til the end - scratching around for the big scoops and stories to help you while away those hours at work. We ARE the news!"

To celebrate our official 'Number 1 in Keynsham' status, we put up a sign in the porch saying 'We're Hiring' - and now we welcome to Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum Mr Eli McChurch who, in addition to helping us redecorate Cane Shum Towers, will be taking care of the new 'Citizen Cane' column. So if you see a naked man handcuffed to a lamp post, you'll know it's Eli, fresh from his initiation ceremony!

Anyway, the day is young and we're rambling on a bit about how ace we reckon we are. So, send the boss off to a fake appointment in Dudley, break out the Boasters, boil up the bags in the brew bowser and join us for our super soaraway seventh issue. That will be all. You may now be seated.


CANE SHUM NEWS HEADLINES...
'Do I get my 200 quid now?'
ALSO IN THIS MONTH'S EDITION...
MUHAMMED SAEED AL-SAHAF is away, so step forward Mr Bill Bailey, ANNA CACIA-COURT has a big heap of issues, the brand new CITIZEN CANE column tackles leisure, the WEBCAM, the LETTERS, bit of BRIEF NEWS, the May WEATHER forecast and much MORE.


NEW! CITIZEN CANE
In his debut report as Citizen Cane, Eli McChurch tackles the subject of Keynsham's hygenically-challenged 'leisure' facilities. GET CANED!

MAILING LIST
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THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court kicks Council butt and unveils some shocking exclusive news about St John's car park. READ MORE

AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
The BANES Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf takes a break, leaving Bill Bailey to carry out his duties. Heaven help us! MORE

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
On sale now at 'Only Fools & Horses' - our exclusive Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts! FULL T-SHIRT DETAILS


The World according to Albert Mills - Proudly clogging up the arteries of the Internet with satirical nonsense since 2003