Issue 7 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk May 2004
YOUR LETTERS TO CANE SHUM - MAY 2004
LETTER OF THE MONTH
'Supervisor to front check out please. A customer has exploded with rage near the classifieds board'
 Points make nothing
Anna, further to the protest at Somerfields savercard. I have my own experience to add weight to the boycott. I came to the check out with my 3 items and was asked for my savercard. “Don’t worry about the points,” I said. “Oh you don’t get points on our card dear,” was the reply. “The card entitles you to the ‘buy one get one free’ offers”. Fair enough but the stuff I had wasn’t eligible for any BOGOF’s. So needlessly my card is swiped and I am registered as having been a loyal patron.

So what is the motive for the card? Is it a bad dose of insecurity and they have to be reassured constantly that they do have customers? The supermarket situation in the Town is diabolical. Somerfields are really expensive and you can never get what you want. Iceland do make a lot of effort to keep it cheap and supply what they can for a small store. But Co-Op is a challenge of mental strength. Its takes all the self control you can muster to enter the shop and find something that is value for money and quality. Then you have to queue at one of 20 checkouts of which only 2 are manned at any one time by quite possibly the most ignorant, bad mannered and unhelpful of all humankind.

Shopping in this town is like trying to clap with one hand. Futile. Thank God for online shopping and home delivery. Viva the Internet!!
Mrs Edna Box, Cheap Side.

• Jeepers! Any more of this and Somerfields will be 'seeing us in court, pal!'. Your words of wisdom have secured you a non-BOGOF Cane Shum T-Shirt. Thank-you for your custom. Please shop with us again...

A NEW AGE DAWNS MY ARSE!
Have readers reviewed the Keynsham Observer (16th April) titled ‘ A New Age Dawns’? The cover was a picture of a large sun, fields with a church in the back ground and an out-building in the foreground. Did anyone notice that only one field was green? The other two were brown. Are they suggesting that these are brownfield sites, and should we expect to see houses there soon? Ruben Turner

• Well detected Ruben. Also, that out-building was the proposed new refugee camp.

ROIGHT THAR!
Can I say 'ello to our Martin? Cheers. Dave

BE A SPORT
Would it be too much to ask the Keynsham Observer to include a sports section? With so much sport taking place in Keynsham, it would be a crime not to feature some or all of it.
K. Dogleash, by the Crown Field.

• Speak to local writer Hugo Berger on 0117 9343410 to voice your concern.

NOT IN THE BATH
Having moved from Bath to London in September, I was glad to find your site.. brings me back to those drunken journeys to the Showcase in Bristle, seeing the signs. Sigh... Great site - I think it might be funny to find someone to get a Bath site up and running that is all about how f*cking posh they are there. "Similar problems have arisen in areas such as Cane Shum, but here in Bath we'll just keep a stiff upper lip and get the Abbey Ward to deal with the pesky music night". Anyway, yeah, nice one. Spencer H, London

• Bath is too posh to have a site like this! We smell! See our exclusive story for more.

HAPPY HOUR
Was the builder responsible for the clock tower pissed or is this a jaunty angle? R.B.

PRAISE CORNER
Excellent first trip to your site - can't wait for the next one. Yvonne, ex-Cane Shum folk.

• Welcome to Cane Shum Yvonne. You will never leave, etc etc...


The new tourism drive by Keynsham Town Council got off to a bad start when someone let the office Goth sort out the new signs...
GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR CHEST?!
Want to get it off? Of course you do! We all whinge about stuff that 'people in hot countries' would consider to be a luxury. It's part of the genetic make up of being a British Human. So what are you waiting for? Use us and abuse us by doing your stuff all over our CONTACT page.


WEATHER FORECAST
The weather forecast for May, with our in-house, atmosphere-questioning ether beaver Albert Mills. VIEW THE WEATHER

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM 7
The Cane Shum web cam is at the railway station as part of the Search for Intelligent Rail Travel (SIRT). VIEW IT

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna Cacia-Court kicks Council butt and unveils some shocking exclusive news about St John's car park. READ MORE

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
On sale now at 'Only Fools & Horses' - our exclusive Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts! FULL T-SHIRT DETAILS

THE BOTTOM LINE
"Well it looks like the "new" Keynsham paper has arrived, busting with local news and goings on, so they say... OK, so there is a lot more content than in the "old" paper regarding Keynsham, but as I expected, by page 20 there’s nothing but adverts and few pages in between full of ads too! Ah well, best of luck to them at Bristol United Press for sticking their neck out and printing this local issue of the Observer. We will be taking the piss out of it, on par only with the amount of grief we give BANES. So for the best news in Keynsham, chuck that rag in the bottom of the cat litter tray and grab a copy of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum, the only true Keynsham-based information super highway news source." CB.