Issue 8 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk June 2004
CANE SHUM CONTENTS - ISSUE 8 - JUNE 2004

Keynsham - a bit saggy and loose at the seams, but Emily loved it! "THE WINDS of change seem to be blowing through the windows of Cane Shum towers. Our expensive designers have spent literally minutes on revamping the site. Additionally, hot on the heels of Eli McChurch, we welcome William Bloke and his controversial views to the team. There's also new columns for Albert Mills and Charlton Bottom. Wow! And it's still free! You lucky sods!"

Halfords had a record takings day when this was painted
THE WRITING'S ON THE WALL
Keynsham's bid for the European Commuter Town Of Culture Award 2009 has been dealt a severe blow following a European Parliament directive which blasts the town for the poor quality of it's graffiti.
READ THE FULL REPORT

THE REGULAR CANE SHUM COLUMNISTS
THE MILLER'S TALE The Miller's Tale - click to read Albert Mills, relieved of his weather forecasting duties, gets his own column, in which he's throwing his weight behind the plans for the old cinema.
READ ALBERT
MONTHLY MOAN The Monthly Moan - click to read Anna Cacia-Court has a pop at the Bush/Blair alliance and reveals the secret way to spend a penny in the town's bogs without catching a dose of typhoid.
READ ANNA
THE BOTTOM LINE The Bottom Line - click to read Charlton's Bottom Line has just got bigger! This month, he gets the low down on the Keynsham Music Festival 2004, dubbed 'Little Glastonbury'!
READ CHARLTON
CITIZEN CANE Citizen Cane - click to read Having taken Keynsham's leisure facilities to task in his debut piece, Eli McChurch turns his attention to Seasonally Affective Disorder.
READ ELI
BLOKE ABOUT TOWN Bloke About Town - click to read Freshly-recruited from the mean streets of Keynsham, William Bloke offers up a serving of vitriol after getting a tattoo done in town.
READ WILLIAM

THE TOWER OF BEAGLE Mars: Made of Crunchie Bar
This month we solve two big local mysteries in one foul swoop - the ongoing saga of the missing Clock Tower and the whereabouts of Mars explorer Beagle 2 - lost following a lack of communication. READ MORE
CHARITY ENDS AT HOME University Of Keynsham - St John's Car Park Campus
Information has emerged this week, via a leaked top-secret government document, that the residents of Keynsham town are officially the most generous in the country. Eli McChurch reports. FULL STORY & EXCLUSIVE PIC

'There are no recurring roadworks in Keynsham'
ALSO IN THIS MONTH'S EDITION...
MUHAMMED SAEED AL-SAHAF is back from his hols, another exclusive Keynsham WEBCAM, an extended LETTERS page, a veritable slew of BRIEF NEWS, another serving of POETRY, our brand new IMAGE ARCHIVE, a page of Keynsham-related LINKS and some words about the STAFF.

THE MILLER'S TALE
NEW! Albert Mills gets his own column, in which he's throwing his weight behind the plans for the old cinema, among other things. READ ALBERT

THE BOTTOM LINE
BIG! The Bottom Line has just got bigger! This month, get the low down on the Keynsham Music Festival, dubbed 'Little Glastonbury'! READ MORE

BLOKE ABOUT TOWN
NEW! Freshly-recruited from the mean streets of Keynsham, William Bloke offers up a serving of vitriol after getting a tattoo done in town. MORE

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
On sale now at 'Only Fools & Horses' - our exclusive Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-SHIRTS!

CITIZEN CANE
Having already taken Keynsham's leisure facilities to task, Eli McChurch turns his attention to Seasonally Affective Disorder. READ IT

MAILING LIST
Get yourself notified whenever we publish - join our no-spam, no-hassle MAILING LIST.

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna has a pop at Bush & Blair while revealing the secret way to spend a penny in the town's bogs without catching a dose of typhoid. READ MORE

AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
The BANES Dis-Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf returns with bizarre claims that Keynsham's traffic is 'flowing perfectly'. GET MO!


The World according to Albert Mills - Proudly clogging up the arteries of the Internet with satirical nonsense since 2003