"WELCOME trusty citizens to the latest edition of your favourite Keynsham-based satirical website. The town has been quite literally besieged with goings-on since last we met, and we've got scoops a-plenty for you to devour. So take a deep breath, clear your mind of all useful thoughts, repeat your chosen mantra, floss your teeth and enjoy our latest effort. Cheers m'dears!"
IN A FIELD OF THEIR OWN
In the wake of the recent announcement that Sherwood Road's "Rec" playing field is to be turned into a Granny Village, Albert Mills looks at the devastating effect caused by the town planners in Keynsham. READ THE FULL REPORT
THE REGULAR CANE SHUM COLUMNISTS
THE MILLER'S TALE
Weather forecaster turned footie pundit Albert Mills conducts a Euro 2004 post mortem, revealing the English to be the Champions of Excuses. READ ALBERT
Anna's Music Festival-induced bliss is cruelly shattered by plans to build an 'Elderly Village' on the Sherwood Road 'Rec' playing field.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Charlton Bottom avoids a Euro 2004-related heart attack by taking a stroll in the local countryside and reminiscing about the hazy days of yore.
Eli McChurch ruminates on why the flags should keep flying and reveals a strange-but-true story about one of the town's oldest ex-shops.
BLOKE ABOUT TOWN
Our resident straight-talking Keynshamite William Bloke serves up his thoughts about parents who insist on driving their children to and from school.
TORY 'CREAM FOR SCHOOLS' SHOCK!
Inspired by the plight of a ginger kid blistered by the playground sunshine, Charlton Bottom decides to take on the Head of Bristol City Council in an e-fistfight. Seconds out! Ding-a-ling! READ MORE
TURNING BACK TIME
The wait is over, the designs have been studied and the votes have been cast and counted - the replacement for the long lost clock tower has been finally revealed. Albert Mills reports. FULL STORY & EXCLUSIVE PICS