Issue 9 Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum A Different View Of Keynsham www.caneshum.co.uk July 2004
CANE SHUM CONTENTS - ISSUE 9 - JULY 2004

Keynsham - someday, all towns will be made this way - Double Decker Mecca! "WELCOME trusty citizens to the latest edition of your favourite Keynsham-based satirical website. The town has been quite literally besieged with goings-on since last we met, and we've got scoops a-plenty for you to devour. So take a deep breath, clear your mind of all useful thoughts, repeat your chosen mantra, floss your teeth and enjoy our latest effort. Cheers m'dears!"

Mr Gurney's barrow...
IN A FIELD OF THEIR OWN
In the wake of the recent announcement that Sherwood Road's "Rec" playing field is to be turned into a Granny Village, Albert Mills looks at the devastating effect caused by the town planners in Keynsham.
READ THE FULL REPORT

THE REGULAR CANE SHUM COLUMNISTS
THE MILLER'S TALE The Miller's Tale - click to read Weather forecaster turned footie pundit Albert Mills conducts a Euro 2004 post mortem, revealing the English to be the Champions of Excuses.
READ ALBERT
MONTHLY MOAN The Monthly Moan - click to read Anna's Music Festival-induced bliss is cruelly shattered by plans to build an 'Elderly Village' on the Sherwood Road 'Rec' playing field.
READ ANNA
THE BOTTOM LINE The Bottom Line - click to read Charlton Bottom avoids a Euro 2004-related heart attack by taking a stroll in the local countryside and reminiscing about the hazy days of yore.
READ CHARLTON
CITIZEN CANE Citizen Cane - click to read Eli McChurch ruminates on why the flags should keep flying and reveals a strange-but-true story about one of the town's oldest ex-shops.
READ ELI
BLOKE ABOUT TOWN Bloke About Town - click to read Our resident straight-talking Keynshamite William Bloke serves up his thoughts about parents who insist on driving their children to and from school.
READ WILLIAM

TORY 'CREAM FOR SCHOOLS' SHOCK! Kate Garraway: 'What a total w*nkshaft!'
Eamon: 'Mua! Ha! Ha! Quite!'
Inspired by the plight of a ginger kid blistered by the playground sunshine, Charlton Bottom decides to take on the Head of Bristol City Council in an e-fistfight. Seconds out! Ding-a-ling! READ MORE
TURNING BACK TIME It's 4:15pm! No wait, it's 4:12... hang on a mo, it's 4:18. Oh bugger!'
The wait is over, the designs have been studied and the votes have been cast and counted - the replacement for the long lost clock tower has been finally revealed. Albert Mills reports. FULL STORY & EXCLUSIVE PICS

'There is nothing out there. Nothing at all'
ALSO IN THE JULY 2004 EDITION...
MUHAMMED SAEED AL-SAHAF takes a very bold step, the Keynsham WEBCAM keeps an eye out for fish, the LETTERS page, a smorgasbord of BRIEF NEWS, a healthy dollop of POETRY, our ever-growing IMAGE ARCHIVE, a page of Keynsham-related LINKS and some STAFF info.

THE MILLER'S TALE
Albert Mills conducts a Euro 2004 footie post mortem, revealing the English to be the Champions of Excuses. MORE

THE BOTTOM LINE
Charlton avoids a Euro 2004-related heart attack by taking a stroll in the local countryside and reminiscing about the hazy days of yore. READ MORE

BLOKE ABOUT TOWN
William Bloke serves up his thoughts about parents who insist on driving their children to and from school. MORE

MERCHANDISE
Never mind the colour, feel the quality...
Our exclusive Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-Shirts are on sale now! FULL T-SHIRT DETAILS

THE MONTHLY MOAN
Anna's Music Festival-induced bliss is cruelly shattered by plans to build an 'Elderly Village' on Sherwood Road 'Rec' playing field. MORE

CITIZEN CANE
Eli McChurch ruminates on why the flags should keep flying and reveals a strange-but-true story about one of the town's oldest ex-shops. READ IT

KEYNSHAM WEB CAM 9
Our latest camera is looking out for fish in the park. VIEW IT

MAILING LIST
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AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
BANES' press spokesman Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf steps forward with his boldest claim yet - that we are, in fact, alone! GET A LOAD OF MO!


The World according to Albert Mills - Proudly clogging up the arteries of the Internet with satirical nonsense since 2003