LETTER OF THE MONTH
The signs all point to trouble
Beware Caneshumites, we of the Queen Charlton Independence Army are wreaking our plan of division and confusion.
In the past few weeks we have: bombed the Charlton Road
, making it almost impassable; sabotaged the bridge at Chewton Keynsham, cutting off access on that front; installed an electronic barrier at the border between the City of QC and the hamlet of Cane Shum; released a horde of genetically modified giant moles
to guard the border; sabotaged a bus
that was trying to get up the Charlton Road; dealt with any Caneshumites who dared to besmirch our Royal borders. I bet you thought that was a PIG we roasted at the Fete, eh?
We will not rest until all your crappy shops are dust and our sheep can graze down to the shores of the Avon! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Lt Cdr Totter-Brandy, QCIA, the Royal City of Queen Charlton
• Lord help us! Cane Shum is bordered by radical activist groups. What next - the Peoples' Front Of Corston? We're running so scared that we've made this letter of the month.
HELP THE AGED...
In these times of hardship, innit nice that they council people of the power is gonna build us some new 'ouses where they nasty kids keep playing football. Me and the girls is looking forward to livin' in our own village, 'specially if they puts in one of they theme parks too. It's what us olderly folks needs. God bless. Ada, Keynsham.
• Thanks for your thoughts Ada, senile though they are.
I just drove through Keynsham over the bridge opposite the train station and was witness to a crazy guy prancing about a couple of inches away from death (or mild mutilation at least). The guy had climbed over the barrier and was rather unsteadily shouting at the police
surrounding him. Don't know what happened next but when I got out of town, at Hick's Gate roundabout there were more cops stopping cars
going down the bypass. Albert Tabernacle, Saltford.
• That was the BANES Health & Safety officer testing police response times. What a guy!
PARTY IN THE PARK
Missed Sir Paul at Glastonbury but Ringo's drum workshop and sing-a-long at the Clock Tower Stage on Sunday more than made up for this - and we didn't get muddy. St Francis, West Side.
• Yes, a good time was had by all. Note to bloke with beard, specs and Cane Shum T-shirt - Mills and Bottom were right beside you at one point. Heh! Heh!
THE WAR ON TIME
Now the Keynsham clock tower
has bin returned me and my mates were thinkin' that its a shame that it wasn't like lost 4 ever. Wat 'bout pulling down like they did wit' the Berlin wall and Saddam's statue like. Then we could sell the bits of concrete and lumps of metal like as
souviners ta 'ang around yer neck and old ladies like put on their mantle piece, right. Sharron, outskirts of Cane Shum.
• We couldn't agree more. Our E-Bay account is ready!
I'm one of the students who wants to see the flea pit a place of shiny goodness. Your article
enspired me, and since you seem interested in the project, I was wondering if you would try and persuade the Cane Shum team to give us their official support. Then we can stick links everywhere and get people involved.
Colin Squires and Amelia Wells
• You have been officially endorsed by the Cane Shum team. We're right behind you folks. Our support is yours.